I was sitting at my desk, the crutches leaning on the wall beside me, and they fell to the ground. I stared at them for a few seconds, just lying there. I picked them up, leaned them against the wall, and minutes later, they fell. I stared at them, let out a long sigh, moved them to the other side of my desk, leaned them up against the wall, and started to work once more. Guess what happened? They fell, again.
In my mind I was like ok, well just stay down there, but I couldn’t leave them there, my OCD was kicking in, so this time I stood them up, leaned something against them to hold them, and that seemed to do the trick.
As I was typing up an email, HE began to speak to me…
No, not the crutches, HIM. “They fell three times, and it took them falling three times before you made sure they were secure. Why didn’t you secure them the first time? Why did it take falling so many times for you to see they could not stand on their own?”
HE had been telling me, it’s time to walk away from weddings, but an inquire would come in, and I’d book it. I mean, it was 85% of my income, and I’ve been broke before, and vowed to NEVER be there again, and letting go was hard. For the last two years, there were MANY obstacles, many tears, a lack of respect, and lack of value, not just from others, but from myself as well. I have to wonder if I’d just listened back then, would the outcome been different? Now as I sit here two weeks post knee surgery, remembering how my surgeon told me six months ago “You have to stop weddings, if you want to slow down the progression of the OA in your knees,” but I went on shooting because some were booked 15months out and I had to finish. I am finally done, but here I was staring at two inquiries for destination weddings… I forwarded them to friends. Whew, I took a deep breath, and said, “You got this!”
Fear is your brains way of saying there is something important for you to overcome…
I asked myself daily, “Can I replace wedding income doing portraits, seriously?” Will your everyday person place value in what I do? Today, it hit me when I was thinking about the crutches falling. I can do it, I just have to get my footing, realize I can’t do it on my own, I have an amazing team, awesome support and remember every time I have fallen, I got up stronger.
So sorry I will no longer be available to shoot your wedding, but I will photograph amazing portraits for you. Don’t forget I know some amazing wedding photographers to refer, so feel free to ask me. I’m all about helping keep amazing images around forever.
I am a portrait photographer and honestly, I feel great about it,
Ps Life isn’t creating roadblocks for you, YOU are. Get out of your own way, and go be Great!
MY last EVER wedding selfie. TP out, and it feels good.
It seems like forever, but its time we get reacquainted. Let’s be honest, many probably don’t remember I used to be a faithful blogger. More people knew who I was from my blog than my photography work, then. Many years ago, it was my passion, my love, my way of expression, and then it was used against me. That will change you, trust me. So I hid from the world, hid behind my work, and faded into the shadows. I pulled my blog down, erased it’s existence, and mine as well. It was another divorce within itself, and it hurt.
So here we are at the start of 2017, years later, and time to get back to my beginning. My life has taken a million and one turns, and the one thing I felt I lost was me, but I’ve been here all along, just silenced. I’m back!
Most people start out their year making resolutions, but for me I’m making a declaration. A declaration to just be me. I don’t desire to be in the limelight, “at anyone’s table” so to speak, on anyone’s stage or any of that nonsense. There’s nothing wrong with that if it’s your thing, but for me, I just want to get back to the art of photography. I want to release all of the creativity I have left into my work. Some things you may not understand but that’s the beautiful thing about art, its for interpretation.
What’s some things you may not know about me… hmm.
I’m a total tea snob. Judge me if you like, I don’t care, but I bet you I could introduce you to all sorts of teas to fix any issue you have, minus that horrible idea you call a boyfriend, lol just kidding. I have a very vast collection of teas, some from Jordan, Kenya, Kuwait, Turkey, Dubai etc. Starbucks “You Are Here” mugs have taken over my thoughts when I travel, and I’ve traveled out of the way, just to get a mug, it’s so bad… Louisiana you let me down last week… Cast iron tea kettles and tea sets are a new love, give me time to build that collection. Teavana should hire me, part time of course. I am obsessed, some would say but most likely those who drink, coffee instead, meh… lol
In my mind, I am a disciplined yogi practicing outside of my little ocean side hut, inviting locals passing by to join me daily. One day, I’ll come back to this and talk about the reality come true.
My favorite place to be is the ocean. The sound of the waves relaxing me and makes everything right with the world. Well honestly, the sound just makes me forget all of the mess going on in real life.
I’m a jeans and blazer, with a cute pair of heels kind of girl. Having a torn meniscus have cramped my style, but I still find “Good Days” to slip on a cute pair of ALDO shoes when I can. Oh yea, and a head wrap, do not forget the head wrap. Most of the time it’s just hiding whatever I’ve decide to do or not do with my hair, let’s be real.
My favorite food is sushi! The first time I had sushi, a friend took me on a lunch break from work. I was so sick that evening, but he said, trust me, try it one more time, your stomach just wasn’t used to eating raw… I’ve been hooked every since. And no a California roll is not sushi in my personal opinion.
My mornings are routine. I pray, workout, run, and eat in that order every morning. Yes, I workout fasted before you ask. Fitness is my stress relief. I’m in love with living healthy.
Elephants are my absolute favorite animal. Aren’t they beautiful? I mean come on, Big, powerful, gentle and smart. Nina is my other child, and she’s covered in fur. She has her own hashtag on Instagram if you wanna see her cute little face, #ninatheminpin.
Anyways, I’m an open book, with boundaries, but many are too afraid to just ask. Here’s to throwing fear out the window in 2017!
Lets make magic, create Art and Live out loud together in 2017.
It’s great to meet you, tell me a little bit about you or NOT, doesn’t matter either way lol … I just stepped out on Faith, you can too,..