My nights began to get shorter it seemed. Sleep was no where in sight, I was completely restless. All I could think about was a camera in my hands, and people smiling at what I had produced. It was as though someone had frozen time but only for me. To bring perspective to what I’m saying, Imagine standing in the median of the busiest highway, waiting to cross, but all of the cars are zooming past. There you are, standing still, unable to cross, and no one is waiting on you. That’s what the last five weeks since surgery felt like for me.
For almost ten years, I have had a camera in my hand, and beyond that I was able to do everything on my own, so recovery was a struggle but I played along… well for two full weeks in the beginning. I followed the doctors orders verbatim, and I went to physical therapy with a positive attitude daily. I made up in my mind that my recovery would not be typical, and that twelve weeks was just not my story. I woke up daily and prayed, meditated and tried a little harder each day, walked on my own a little further and again, stayed positive. Before I knew it, I could walk unassisted. First step, good bye crutches. The doctors and therapists were amazed at my progress. The secret, just being in overall great shape beforehand, and having a positive mindset.
The same goes for business. I used the down time to completely demolish my business and rebuild its structure, practices and pricing. No more weddings was the goal and then I had to figure out how to replace the income through portraits. I studied, I read, I attended online workshops and education. I went through workbooks, I became slightly obsessed to succeed in Portraits doing things my way. I’ve not felt this good in a long time about the direction my business was going.
Last weekend, it was time to really test things out. Could I shoot like me, still recovering? Yes. Could I walk a client through the process and produce amazing images along the way? Yes. Was I willing to stick to my own belief that I could rock portraits or keep trying until I do? Yes. The wait was worth it. The tears were worth it. Life is forever changing, but I’ve learned, so am I.
I’ll post a peek into the session soon, but for now ironically, I’m waiting in a hospital waiting room. Sit and wait, all the time right? Even right now, business is in my mind. I got my love for the art back!
As far as me shooting, The wait is over, I’m back and I need you in front of my camera. I need you to experience a portrait session with me. Help perfect it. I want to shoot you. What are you waiting for? Sometimes you just have to pick up a positive attitude and jump! Timing will never be perfect but I can promise to create the perfect session just for you, Tasha
This year feels as though every day has been a test. A test of my patience, my belief, my power to change and every thing else you can imagine, yet every morning I’ve found myself awakened a little more and a little closer to myself.
How is it one moment I could feel completely defeated and by the next morning, I was ready to take on the world all over again? To put it simply, I’m human but I believe! I believe we wake up everyday with another opportunity. I believe that life happens, sure, but it doesn’t stop us from living, honestly, our thinking does. So I made a promise to myself, I would wake daily with a new perspective. Forget what happened yesterday, last week, last year. I promised to live my life one day at a time and to ask myself, “Will this conversation, action or decision place me any closer to my ultimate goal, will it bring joy to me and the others involved?” If the answer was No, well that was a wrap. I believe by changing my thinking, I’m slowly taking back control of my environment but most importantly, my own wellbeing.
Photographing people has always brightened my days, and then those days started to get gloomy last year. I had to make a shift. I’m excited for the shift and I believe listening to God’s whispers was extremely important, it took me two years to listen, but I’m here. Some have said to me several times my sessions were like ministry and I get it now. Helping others see themselves in a way perhaps they’ve never seen, giving them back themselves, not only ministers to my soul but theirs as well. I believe what I do has the power to heal, restore and elevate. So when people ask me why Portraits, my answer is, “Why not? I want clients to know, You exist, I see you and others will as well. You matter.” I believe it’s just that powerful. Do you?
Perhaps you should take a chance and step in front of my camera and find out for yourself? We can be lifechangers together. Help me open eyes, warm hearts and share dreams…
Joy is waiting to emerge…
Get scheduled for the experience of a lifetime, completed dedicated to you…
I used to think I needed this and that to be successful, but when I had those very things I failed. Failure caused me to retreat from what I believed about myself, my potential and my own goals. It was tough. It took years to heal, and here I am. I made it.
I may not have it all figured out but I know my purpose here. I know that I got through some tough emotional barriers of my own through photography, and I can help other women do the same. Here’s to working within your purpose, making no excuses, understanding that crawling before you walk is a way of passage and believing in yourself. A studio didn’t make me, a space doesn’t define me, and well I can create wherever I need.
Here’s to new adventures for such a time as this. I’m grateful God humbled me, and has shown me to work with what I have until He’s ready to bless me with more. I’m here for the journey.
The journal entry read…
“I found myself sitting in the dark, unable to sleep, uncontrollable tears rolled down my face, and an emptiness filled my thoughts. I returned to bed, just to lay and stare at the half empty room for a couple of hours. Finally, dosing off, the sun was rising, the dog was whining and the phone was ringing. It was a new day, another opportunity to be great? or feel like a failure.”
I could describe the craziness of my days a million times over, and so few would comment, as if they can’t relate. Its as though perfection is the objective and no one speaks truth anymore. Am I really the only one who’s thoughts often overtake their ability to get adequate rest? Perhaps so, but I sincerely doubt it. I’m over it. I’m over the “pretending.” If you’re not ok, you have to say something, but be mindful who you share with. Others are often too caught up in themselves, no matter how many times you’ve been there in return. Just know, you matter too, “it’s ok to not be ok.”
As a wife, a mother, an entrepreneur, and so many other titles that have been placed on my plate, often times by me, I’ve forgotten about me far too many times. I ignored the fact, I am not a robot, I am not a superhero, but I am a woman, a normal human being who desires a since of normalcy. Then I realized, I don’t know what “Normal” is. I’ve always found myself with an overachieving mentality, with so much to prove, but to whom? Maybe to those who doubted me after being a wife and mother at eighteen years old? or thats what most would think, but the truth is, I wanted to prove to myself, I was capable of doing what I wanted even with new responsibilities.
Now what, what’s normal?
So here we are years later, I’ve accomplished a lot, I have wonderful kids, a great life and yet today, I sit and I feel empty. What is it I’m missing? What is it going to take to find value in me, by me? You see, the thing is others can define you to the world, but they can’t define who you are to yourself.
So here’s to figuring out who I am, without the ring, without the camera, without the kids, because the truth is, all of those things could be taken away in an instant… Would I survive?
The question is, how often are you unseen? Is it a matter of who you have around or the perception you’ve given that you need no one? Hmm.
Random thoughts of a cluttered mind.
When you’re constantly on display, and you just want to go unseen…